Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
