Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
