Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
