It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
