this boner is exhausting
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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