im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
