Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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