We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
