turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
