he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
