I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
