Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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