I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
