Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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