And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
