I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
