So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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