There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
