He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
