i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
