went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My vagina is officially offended.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics