By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day