More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My liver just had a heart attack.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately