im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.