If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet