We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
