i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness