Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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