i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.