mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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