White coat. Heels.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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