someone threw a dead crab at me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
