Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
