I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I died a long time ago.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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