Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
