How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
