i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
