I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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