u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
