She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
