Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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