Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
