Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
