maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
