No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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