I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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