i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
