PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
