I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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