I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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