last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
