I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
