Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
