ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
