Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
