TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
