69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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