; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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