I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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