Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
