My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's Friday. Sex?
handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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