Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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