So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
