4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
