dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
