I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
