how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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