i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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