I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
