8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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