So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
