She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
