Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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