dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
