Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
