so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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