i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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