Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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