If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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