is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So. Much. Porn.
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