Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
