Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
