My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
