your parents love me but you hate me
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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