U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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