He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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