what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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