that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
